A Wife’s Reflection on 10 Years of Marriage, Ministry, and the Youth Apostles Mission
This October marked 10 years of marriage to my husband Joey Clem, a lifetime member of Youth Apostles. Along with 10 years of our own joys and trials, building our family, and growing in our vocations, it has also been a time of discovering how we support the mission of Youth Apostles as a family. That’s 10 years of annual retreats, workshops, Tuesday night meetings, and other ministry commitments. In other words, a lot of sacrifices, such as days spent solo-parenting during retreats and nights trying to wrangle several kids into bed by myself. Looking back on the past 10 years, there is not one thing that I would change.
Ministry Together: The Early Years
Even before we were married, I knew Youth Apostles would be integrated into our lives since Joey was involved well before we even started dating. It was a much different story once we got married. When we were first married, we were able to do ministry together, which was a joint passion of ours, having met doing Catholic Campus Ministry during our time as students at George Mason University. As we started having kids, Joey took on ministry solo. The look of his ministry has changed over time, always dependent on the needs of the community, but also the needs of our family in any given season. The one thing I appreciate about Youth Apostles is the emphasis on the members’ relationship with God first, then their families, then their commitment to the community. This means that Youth Apostles shouldn’t happen at the expense of family life, but that the two should ideally coexist together and complement one another. Because I know of Joey‘s commitment to our family before community, I know that if needed, I can call upon him to forgo ministry or meetings if the family needs are greater at that time, such as children being sick, or myself being overwhelmed with family life, or we are getting ready to move, go on a trip, and so on. I also know that, if we feel his ministry commitments need to change due to the season of life that we are in, he will work to make those changes happen. An example of this is when he switched from Sunday night youth group at All Saints in Manassas, which took up to five hours of commitment, to Catholic Life Community (CLC), which was one night a week for two to three hours and took place after the kids were already in bed.
Navigating Family Life and Ministry Commitments
Prior to making a lifetime commitment we had a discussion if we wanted Youth Apostles to be a part of our lives forever. It was not a terribly difficult conversation to have. Over the years I have seen the impact that being a Youth Apostle and having a community has had on Joey. He has great accountability with his brothers in community and they call him to be a more holy spouse, friend, volunteer, worker, father, and so much more. His faith is strong because of how it has been formed within the community. He is also using the gifts that God has given him to serve the youth. I’ve seen this firsthand when we have encountered young adults that he ministered to many years ago. Prior to marriage, he volunteered with All Saints Youth Ministry. When we decided to move to Manassas and All Saints parish after four years of marriage, it was like coming home to a parish family. There was not a weekend that we would not run into someone at Sunday Mass that he had either volunteered with at youth group or who had been in the youth group while he had been a volunteer. It was evident to see the impact that he had on their lives and in their faith journeys in the short amount of time that he got to spend with them. He has continued ministry with All Saints and seeing the impact that he has had on the youth and parish reassures me that he is using his gifts and talents and living out the call that God has given him to do through ministry. It makes me proud to support him in this calling.
Finding Community and Support through Youth Apostles
Youth Apostles have been beneficial for our family as well. We have close friendships with many families and single and consecrated brothers. It is a great gift to have our kids grow up around such holy men and holy families. Some of the wives of Youth Apostles have also become some of my dearest friends and some of the biggest supporters as we go through this journey in this community together. Joey has also been a great support to me as I have answered God’s call to serve as the young adult coordinator at our parish. Youth Apostles have helped him to see that husbands should be supportive of how their wives are called to serve the Church in big and small ways.
I would like to offer some words of advice to Youth Apostles, or those who are considering making different commitments in the community and have families to consider as they make those decisions.
Make Connections: Husbands, if your wife is open to it, introduce them to other wives and help them to make connections within the community. I have found these connections to be vital, especially when the annual retreat comes around and I have seen the wives band together and support each other.
Find a Personal Retreat: Husbands, allow your wives to also take days to go on personal retreats or give them the chance to live out their vocations as well, such as taking care of the family and home so they can pursue jobs, ministries, or hobbies.
Join a Cana Group: I also highly encourage joining marriage groups or Cana groups. We have seen so much fruit come from our time in our Cana group (which includes some other Youth Apostles and their wives) and we have been able to support each other through trials, share in joys, and grow in faith together.
Meet Consecrated Members: Introduce your family to the single, lay consecrated, and priests of the community. It has been a wonderful experience having Fr. Ramón say Mass for the Youth Apostle families on Saturdays in Manassas, having the single men in the Manassas community house be present to our kids at events and Masses, and experiencing the consecrated men, such as John Volk, always taking the initiative to communicate Christ’s love to our kids.
Encouragement for the Journey Ahead
I recognize that my family’s experience with Youth Apostles is unique, and others may have different perspectives. However, I hope our story encourages you to see that ministry and family life can indeed thrive together. It requires constant communication, sacrifice, and trust in God’s plan, but the rewards are profound. The growth, support, and sense of purpose we’ve experienced make the sacrifices truly worthwhile, showing that when ministry is rooted in faith and family, both can flourish.
